A WHITE MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO A BLACK WOMAN HAD TOOK A DNA TEST WITHOUT NOTICIN HIS WIFE, WHEN HE THOUGHT THAT HIS SON DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HIM

A man had shared on Reddit that he took a DNA test behind his wife, when he thought that his son doesn’t look like him, and he wanted some advice from the Reddit.
He had started his story as, “I’m a 29 year old white guy. My wife is 30 and black. We have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. My wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. We had only been together a year. We got married because she got pregnant. Fortunately for us, we are actually happy.”
He had stated that he felt uncomfortable with how his son was not looking like him. As he stated, “When my son was born I accepted him as mine. However, I couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. He is noticeably darker than my wife. He doesn’t look half white. My family and friends have asked if I’m sure he’s mine. I had doubts, but I initially decided to trust my wife. I loved my son regardless.”
Then he continued that he has no concerns like this about his daughter, who completely resembles him, as he shared, “When our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. I had no doubt she’s mine. She looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. I never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. I bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. My family bonded with her faster too. Her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine.”
He had explained that he took a DNA test behind his wife, and found out the truth, as, “I tried to always treat them equally as I see them both as my children. But I realized I was beginning to resent my son. It felt unfair that I had to care for someone else’s child. I also began to resent my wife because I felt she had betrayed me. I finally got a paternity test in secret. I was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. Genetics are weird. Anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. I feel much closer to him now that I know he’s mine. My wife and I have been so happy that we were talking about a third child.”
When it came to talk with his wife about the issue, things didn’t turned out to be as he would like to. “I confessed to my wife I got a paternity test. I hated keeping the secret and I thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. She flipped out. She asked me if I ever doubted our daughter, and when I said no she called me racist. It’s not true. I didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, I just knew she was mine. She also said that I made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. I said that’s bull. Even when I didn’t believe my son was mine, I treated him as though he were. My wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine.”
He had concluded his story, as he stated that his wife is overreacting. He shared, “It’s been about a week and a half and I’m still on the sofa. I hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. She’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. She barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. I don’t want to lose my family. Here’s where I turn to you, Reddit. Is it so awful that I had doubts? I still took care of him. I don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. I think she is overreacting.”
Here are the advices and comments of other Redditors.
“She is absolutely not over reacting. You not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child. I mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children? It’s not always a perfect mocha mixture of both parents. You may get that, you may get a kid who is white as a vampire or as dark as Wesley Snipes. You really need to suck it up and beg for forgiveness and then you need to fix that ignorant way of thinking that you have. Your son is going to need you. Being a black man in this world is not easy.”
“You didn’t treat your children equally. For five years a significant part of you believed your son wasn’t yours. You really think that didn’t affect your parenting? Your son is young enough that you’ll probably be able to undo any damage, but you’re refusing to accept that it had any effect on your parenting when it clearly did.”
“if you had doubts to the point where your relationship with your child is being affected, why did you wait 2 years to do so? Instead, for 2 years you let skin color become a barrier between you and your son. Not only that, but it also made you doubt your wife. There’s so much online you could have used to educate yourself about genetics, you could have easily learned that white and black isn’t going to make mocha 100% of the time. Additionally, when you decided to get a paternity test, why did you not tell your wife? Why didn’t you just tell her that you wanted ease of mind? Also, did it ever occur to you to discuss any of your feelings with her at all?”
What do you think? Let us know.