A MAN HAD TOOK A PATERNITY TEST ON HIS DAUGHTER, WITHOUT INFORMING HIS WIFE, AND THE WIFE SHARED HER STORY ON REDDIT AND ASKED FOR ADVICE

A Brazillian-American woman had shared her story of how her husband had took a DNA test for their daughter, as his family stated that she had “darker skin” than her father. She had found out about the test later, and asked for advice from the people on Reddit.
She had started with describing herself and her husband’s family, as, “This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. So, our daughter is 3 years old now. My husband is Serbian, and I’m Brazilian/American (30F). I’m a light brown. I’m obviously ethnic, but I would say only just. This will be relevant. His family is very white. My own father is as white as it gets, complete with blond hair and blue eyes.”
Then described her own parents and stated that she is in bad terms with them, as she shared, “My mother, on the other hand, is visibly mixed with black, and darker than all her siblings in color, but not by a whole lot. She just seemed to get the most printer ink. I do not talk to my mother, and haven’t seen her in decades because she is a very bad person. I do not want her near our child or around my family at all for very good reasons. However, I am still close with the maternal side of my family.”
Then stated that with her husband’s side, they are in very close relationship, which they constantly visit each other and talk in every situation. “Anyway, my husband is extremely family oriented, which is something I very much love and enjoy. We visit his family’s home, uncles, aunts, cousins nearly every day. We’re all very involved with each other, which I’ve always loved since I wanted our child to grow up with a strong social support system and access to her father’s culture.”
She continued, “They’re maybe a tad bit over involved but this has never bothered me until now. They have also met my grandparents, uncles and aunts, and father – but never my mother.”
Then she explained that their daughters skin started to turn brown, as she was close to white when she was born, and how great father her husband is to their daughter, as she wrote, “When our child was born, she came out fair skinned, smooth hair, etc. Now that she’s a bit older she has slowly been turning a much darker brown. Her hair texture has developed into kinkier curls than expected. My husband and I have had nothing but cherishment for her unique appearance and he’s really embraced it in the last year. He has learned how to care for curly hair, he combs and braids it (even took classes) before bed, and it’s a huge part of their bonding now.”
Then she stated that the family of her husband had started to make jokes, as she stated, “When my daughter’s skin color began to darken about a year ago, his family started making jokes about “the milkman” and jokes about how I went into the sun way too often during pregnancy. I didn’t think much of it as Serbians aren’t known for their politically correct humour, and well, neither are Brazilians. The jokes were maybe a bit too often for my liking, and maybe a bit more passive aggressive looking back, but they suddenly stopped and I thought nothing of it.”
And after that she found a screenshot of a paternity test on her husband’s phone, while they were searching for another picture. “A couple days ago I was scrolling through my husband’s phone photo gallery to look for a specific picture of a document. He was right next to me, as we were sorting a fencing issue out. I clicked on what I thought was the screen shot of the document. It was instead a screenshot of a paternity test result.”
She continued to tell her story as, “I immediately asked him what that was and he was very uncomfortable, and it segued into a bizarre conversation that about a year ago, his family started asking questions about our daughter’s appearance, and that “none of her family members look that dark” which isn’t true, they just never met my mother. They were accusing me of cheating and pushing for a paternity test.”
She then stated that her husband was stressed about something, which she understand the reason now, and how he was going to his family meetings to talk about the situation. “Apparently daily, every single time he went over to their house for coffee, cigars, or dinner, it was the topic of discussion. I recalled this time of year very well, as he was very irritable and stressed when at home, but he blamed it on work stress and family drama. I was mostly mad at him for even entertaining the idea, and I felt it was not just disrespectful towards me, but also our daughter. He said he never entertained the idea but he just got the test to satiate them so they’d shut up about it.”
Then her husband had showed some texts that he was defending his wife and his daughter about the issue, and did it to stop them from interfering. “He showed me old messages from that time, that confirmed what he was saying, and to his credit, he was defending me and saying that they were being ridiculous. But I’m still so angry he never told me. All those times I spent at his family’s house, this was their impression of me and our daughter. He said he never told me because he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, and that it was too stupid to bother me with – but I’m incredibly annoyed he thought he could make that decision himself.”
Then she had concluded her story, and asked for advice from other people on Reddit. “He’s apologised and I can tell he feels guilty. I do not feel comfortable with his family anymore, and I feel entirely distraught. However, I feel like maybe I should let it go entirely for the sake of our daughter. I also can’t help but feel that my husband doesn’t trust me, which I’ve never felt before. We have a very good sex life. We’re super open with each other. Passwords and access to personal electronics are always shared, and this is the first real ‘fight’ we’ve ever had. I’ve never been this upset with him before and I’m not even sure how to deal. I’m also increasingly annoyed that he always seems to cave to anything his family demands if there is enough pressure. I don’t know how to proceed with this.”
Here are some of the comments and advices of other Redditors.
“Step back from his family. Don’t see them every day Broaden your social circle. Let them know that you know about the test and don’t appreciate it.”
“I think perhaps the OP’s husband was ashamed of his family suspecting his wife of cheating, and that may have been part of why he didn’t tell her. It’s a horrible accusation, and based on their ignorance. It really is shameful. He knew it would hurt his wife too, and he knew a paternity test would prove them wrong and shut them up.”
“Buy paternity test for his whole family. Let them test in front of you. You will see that some will start to sh*t thier pants. Say it is a brazilian family tradition.”
What do you think? Let us know.